Refined in God's Infinite Grace

Although I have given my life to Christ, although I’ve matured and grown, there are moments I strive to do good and fail, moments of weakness, moments of rebellion, moments I push God and everyone else away. Through these times I am struck by how clear it is that the Lord will work through any circumstance, any sin, any emotion, any place.
Most recently, the battle within has lead me on a path of mistakes and bad choices. It’s not so much the external actions that have overcome me, but the intentions of my heart and choice of how to respond to the weakness God has called me to face. Rather than ask for help I chose to avoid what hurts, to cover my weaknesses, and to push people away. This behavior was both destructive to my heart and those around me, but in order to run away from faults and hurts I chose to withdraw from God and from people. As the Lord has worked through me in this condition, in this state of denial and fear, I have experienced a true Father’s love.
Although my mind knows different, my heart has always felt there is a point where God would actually turn from us if we ran far enough. If I keep pushing, keep hiding, walk in denial, God will eventually give up on me, I tell myself. Maybe it’s because I’ve experienced that with people, maybe it’s just the way I feel, but either way, God has proven me wrong every time. Although we may choose to hurt ourselves, choose to remain in the pit, cling to the bondage we are in, God never turns from us. Knowing our condition and our pain, He loves us just the same as the day He created us.
His grace is so great, it is truly impossible to explain in words. It is the grace of God, who uses our closest friends, our family, His word, and His ways to comfort us and truly meet us in the darkness we clothe ourselves in. Why does He do it? Although the exact answer is a mystery, what I do know is that His love is so unlike ours. If He promises to be our Lord, to love us with His love, He will do it. Since His character is love He can offer us nothing less than that. 1 John 4:16 describes this love, “ So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in Him. “
As the voice of the Lord has spoken to my life, as His presence has overwhelmed me, those times of darkness, those fears of how unworthy and how messed up I am have pushed me to realize this is right where He wants me. He knows who I am, every strength, every fault, every empty spot. We are human. We live in a fallen world, a world that is imperfect. The key is knowing and remembering, we are imperfect, the world is imperfect, but God is perfect. When we draw near to Him, when we allow ourselves to be real in front of Him, when we yield to Him and Him alone, He will work with that and give us what we need.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all of your anxieties upon him, because he cares for you. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of ALL grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself, restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” 1 Peter 5:6, 10

Steadfast Love

God you truly are amazing. It is in the low of lows that your power is made perfect in our life. Thank you for creating us to need you. As much as it costs us to turn from our ways, it brings a peace that surpasses human understanding. It doesn’t make sense to trust in your unseen hand, but your ways are not our ways. Although many things may not make sense logically, your word declares “my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways not your ways” Isaiah 55:8. The truth is, in the midst of this storms hope is found in your character. You are faithful, you are strong, you are merciful, and you are true. There is life in your words, there is hope in your promises, and there is purpose in your plan.
Although my heart turns from you, you remain. To me, that is what steadfast love is all about. It represents a love that will ‘weather’ the storm; a love that clings to truth and endures criticism. The love of Christ is a true reflection of steadfast love. In moments of adversity, moments of harsh criticism, moments of despair, Jesus chose to love mankind. As he was being beaten, spit at, laughed at, he demonstrates an undying love as he prays “forgive them Father, for they know not what they do” For it is only God, in Christ, that could have displayed a love so foreign to our world’s ways. What kind of love is this? It reminds God’s word in 1 John 3, “see what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God and so we are”. In this statement a promise and declaration that reflects God’s love for us is made. A declaration that states we are his simply because he called us to be. There is a power in his perfect love that makes grown men weep. It is that same love that conquers fear, heals addiction, overcomes ridicule, and fills the empty place of our heart. This love is at the center of his will for our life. Over thousands of years, God has continued steadfast in his ways, to reach out to us, desiring we would live in his ways and follow after him with all of our heart. His love for mankind has never ceased. Even in times of wickedness, after God chose to destroy cities and peoples, his love still shows in his ability to have mercy and build new convenants. This is the love God has for us. An undeniable, everlasting, steadfast love.

We are Called, what will we Choose?

God calls us to be His, and in doing this OUR 'to do' list builds up with things, but are we really doing the one thing that is most necessary. Are we being the Martha (the doer) or the Mary (seeking God first) in this world? --This song made question myself and ask the question am I willing and available completely to be used for God even if it means change, difficulty, or disruption. Are we willing to be uncomfortable to grow in the Lord and allow Him to change us? Is the call of Christ worth it? For in God's Jesus spoke these words: "3Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." On many occasions this verse has lead me to wonder. Take up my cross? Deny myself? What is this all about? Doesn't God have to do the work in my life? At this point, I hadn't realize that God not only has to, He wants to make the changes in my life that make me more like Him. The key factor is that we must choose to ALLOW God to come into our lives and that's a daily choice. When Jesus calls us to deny ourselves, He's simply asking us to lay down our 'to do' list, lay down our thought that we can solve everything, lay down our comfort in possessions or people, and seek Him above all else. This is simple but not easy. This is a call to surrender everything we are, all the comforts we enjoy, all the things that we worship daily such as acceptance by others, financial status, seeking a mate, food, our home, and many other things. This call is made for our benefit and yet many times we choose to ignore it. The old testament, God continues to call us to love the Lord with all of our heart, all of our soul, and all of our strength. This request is made by God and for God because He knows our tendency to stray. We tend to fear the commitment to follow God. Many of us fear what He might do in our lives. Some are afraid that He won't give us our true desires. My question to you is, is it worth going through the motions, living for one satisfaction after another to fulfill a need that remains after all the desires are fulfilled? Do we want to look back at our lives questioning how we used our time? Which is worse- going through the heart surgery that heals us or living in a condition that slowly kills us because we opt against the surgery? Matthew 22:14 "For many were called but few were chosen" We are all called, but how many of us are willing to open our hearts, our minds, our souls, our lives, our time to choose to follow God wherever He takes us?



Hope the words of this song can be a blessing for you as it has for me:


"The Motions" by Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Transparency & Psalm 34:8

Thank you Lord for being my strength in the midst of it all. How is my heart today? As I read a devotional by Oswald Chambers I am reminded that it is a daily choice to continually open up to you. Where does my strength and freshness come from day by day? Is it you Lord? Why does my heart ache? When failure hits my heart sinks and the wonder comes to mind.. can I do this? My own selfishness shocks me and disappoints. Lord, it is my cry to you, please don't leave me this way. You are so full of mercy and grace. What I sang in worship the other night rings true. I am so unworthy, and yet you love me. How is this possible? Why did you choose me? I am nothing. As I see my own sinful nature my heart breaks. Why would you continue to bless me so much? Lord you are so great, so powerful, how can you care about us that much? I struggle with this. Haven't you seen what I've done, who I've been. How can you forgive this? How come my nature is not to forgive others for so much less than what you forgive me for?

In our search for acceptance, healed hearts, peace, love, and forgiveness may we only find you. This is my prayer.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

If you love me... (part II)

" If you love me you will obey my commands" John 15:6-7

This statement is Jesus speaking to his followers. Notice here what he does not say... He does not say obey my commands that you understand, nor does He say obey my commands which you agree with, he simply says if you love me obey my commands. 

Jesus knows that our love for God can supercede our need to understand, agree, or want to follow his commands. So what happens when we fail to obey? The greater question is how in love our we with the one who called us to obey? How willing are we to do the things he has set out for us to do? If not, why? What steals that place in our life? Is it money? Is it success? Is it other's opinion? Is it family? Is it fear? Is it unbelief? laziness? frustration? anger? If not these what is it? 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." 

Where on our journey did we lose our desire to give God our heart? 

As I write this I do so in reflection of my own lack of love for Christ. The lack that has caused me to shy away from sharing what he has done in my life. The lack of obedience to serve the poor when I see a homeless person begging on the street corner while I sit in my car at a traffic light. When I pretend that homeless person doesn't exist, I am failing to love the very people Jesus called me to love. It is out of my own sin and shame that I recognize disobedience leads to failure, pain, and ultimately... emptiness. Knowing God's commands is one thing, living them out in relationship to him everyday is quite another.  Many of us have knowledge of God's ways of His commands yet we ignore the urge within us to do what He has asked. So many times we try to do the 'right' thing, but how many of those times has the 'right' thing simply been the most 'convenient' or desirable thing to us? 

I recall times of lashing out in anger at someone or something, not because it was the necessary response, but rather because it was the most desirable reaction at the moment. 

When Jesus said ''if you love me you will obey my commands'' He knew that we would be tempted to do the very opposite.  But he also knew that love covers a multitude of sins. He knew that the very love he has for us is greater than He who is in this world. This New Year, know that the very love that once saved us also leads us back to the cross. It is there we remember we are not alone. Christ knows our pain, our temptation, our very struggle with the world and people in it. Yet it is his love that was offered at the cross to redeem us. Even in his desire to skip the sacrificial death that covers our sins, of of love he obeyed. His willingness to obey is the ultimate demonstration of obedience to God. We may understand, we may not, we may agree or disagree, but either way the Lord commands us. It is our choice to love and obey or not. There are dozens of decisions that face us daily..what will you choose?

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

If you love me... (part 1)

"If you really love me you will..." 

You fill in the blank. "If you love me you will...." How many times have we heard that phrase from those who are closest to us? You can probably fill in the blank remembering when someone said this to you. Maybe it was a family member reminding you of how you should change your ways. May it was a boyfriend or girlfriend asking you to do something for them. Whoever it may have been, that person was expressing their desire for you to do something that you may not want to do.... why?... because of your love for them. 

Why love? Well, the idea is that love is willing to sacrifice. Love is willing to say, I don't prefer to do this (go fishing), actually I don't like this at all, but I will do it because you enjoy it and I love you enough to spend time with you doing what you like. Now most of the time this very love is considered 'sweet' and 'nice', but actually there is more behind it. Consider for a second that your community, your neighborhood, your family, comes down with a rare case of deadly respiratory disease. Imagine if your significant other was the one who was not affected?.What kind of love would it be that would motivate a search for the cure? Would he or she be willing to give up their time, money, energy searching for a cure? What would their love sacrifice for the survival of others? Would they be willing to put their life at risk to cure you or others?

Many think that a love willing to sacrifice is true human love. It is not. Although the statement seems complete, the truth is unconditional love is from God and God alone. "We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19

Do you know that kind of love? If you don't... please pray for God to show you, He waiting to do so. And I don't mean a kind of love that 'feels good' for a moment, or satisfies for a period of months. I am speaking of a love that completes, fulfills, and restores our lives. All of us were created to love and be loved. Hence my favorite Tobymac song 'Made to Love'. The chorus refers to his relationship with God

Check it:

You were here before me, 

you were waiting on me 

And you said you'd keep me, 

never would you leave me, (Hebrews 13:5)

 I was made to love and be loved by you

My prayer is that you may now the love of God that is beyond all other things. 

Cori-