Difficult Moments

Sometimes I don't know what to say. Sometimes I feel stupid because I think I'm not good enough. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I care too much what people think and what they say. It's great to have a good reputation, but I think there's a fine line between what people think and letting it dictate how you choose to live. At this point I'm in the middle of the line. It's true that we are influenced by those we surround ourselves with. That means it's pretty important who my friends are and who I interact with on a daily basis right~ In my mind, it's hard to let go. To let go and surrender myself to the one I know has the greatest love for me. Because that's what it's about. I can know in my mind I am loved, but if I don't feel it, if I don't believe it the way I live my life is so different. Proof exists. Today I began to doubt. I felt alone. I felt unworthy, incompetent, worried. That's how I know I had an off day. When I worry, when I feel alone, somethings wrong. I've taken my eyes off the purpose and allowed myself to get caught up in the 'stuff'. Don't sweat the small stuff right? What about .. don't sweat the stuff period. I hope and pray to just give up, stop trying to run my life when I know a Father who is like no other. How come it's so easy to fall down but so hard to get back up? I need Him. The truth is, when it comes down to it, without God my life sucks. I have no purpose, no true love, no hope. Every other way I have tried has failed. It's crazy. I am the master of occupying my time so I am sooo busy that I have no time to feel pain. Distractions don't work... I am the queen of that. I will distract myself with anything to get out of dealing with things head on. But I've learned the truth will set you free and no matter how hard something is it's about Him not me. So either way I look at it, I need to give up my pride. I've failed today on my own, for this reason I know I need Him. I am nothing without Him, b/c what I am without him is selfish, stubborn, deceitful, untruthful, and cold.